Dear Arima Kousei
by TheAwakeningofGodPalace
Summary: A one-shot showing what happened immediately after Kousei's last performance. Based on the events of episode 22 of the anime, between the performance and Kaori's letter. Rated K.


A/N: Hi! So I'm pretty new to Shigatsu wa Kimi no Uso / Your lie in April, having only finished the anime about three weeks ago. I've re-watched it since, and am currently on episode 12 on my second re-watch. But I'm just going to say the anime moved me far more than anything I've watched before. Anyways, hope you enjoy the fanfic.

You gave it everything in that performance. With sweat dripping from your face and tears falling from your eyes, you wished me farewell with every single note. Once it was all over, you didn't stop to talk to anyone, even with Tsubaki and Watari there cheering you on, because there was something more important than music on your mind. It was raining when you broke into a run upon leaving the music hall, with your hope for me all but gone. Cursing yourself for being out of shape, you ran as fast as you could for as long as possible, as fast as your legs could carry you. You ran over the bridge we once jumped from, and you didn't stop for any of the kids there. You ran past the place where we first met. Determination filled you when you ran past it; determination that you hoped would reach me and keep me alive somehow.

Your chest tightened when you finally saw the hospital towering above the nearby houses and shops, and you held your breath for a moment as you barged through the doors–though you had to take deep breaths when you did, with your lungs almost bursting from your running.  
"Miyazono…Kaori…" you gasped when you tried to ask the receptionist about me, who then directed you to the waiting room near to where I had had surgery; she could see the worry etched into your face. You walked through corridors that seemed endless. Your breathing became steadier, but your chest felt tight and your hands were shaking like tree branches in a gale. My parents, upon seeing you turn up at the waiting room, didn't show their admiration for you. The grief was already enveloping them, soon to spread to you.  
"Arima Kousei…" my dad, surprised, tried to greet you, but he didn't know how to break it to you. You didn't need to be told that I was gone anyways; one look at my parents surely gave it away.  
"Kaori…is she okay?" you asked, your vision already blurred with tears.  
"I'm sorry…" my mom murmured, and that was all you could bear to hear. You left them to grieve in that waiting room, without another word to say. I'm sorry you saw them in such a state, Kousei. When Tsubaki found you just after you'd walked away from my parents? That was when you broke down, that was when you crumbled to your knees. She hauled you up off of the floor, and you wailed and wept on her shoulder as she hugged you. Tsubaki said nothing. What was there for her to say? She couldn't say anything that could fix you. Tell Tsubaki that I'm sorry I got in the way; I was only ever temporary. I was always on a time limit with you, Tsubaki and Watari.

Exhausted when you returned home, you couldn't look at classical music for the rest of the day, never mind touch the keys of your piano. It was on your mind that I would never have allowed you to not practice, but I can accept that you didn't on that night, Kousei. I would have felt the same if you were the one who had left instead. You were visited by my parents the very next day, because they grew to think of you as family. Well, they are fans of yours…but that's exactly how they thought of you. Part of our family. I'd be lying if I told you I didn't like that. I asked them to do one thing for me as soon as they could, and that's what they told you when they gave my pink violin case to you. I know that it'll hurt to be reminded of me whenever you see it, but that violin was part of me. Remember when you said I'm inside you, Kousei? My violin…it's the part of me that I wanted to have inside you–or your house, as is the case. I trust you to take care of it. Promise me you will, okay?

The funeral wasn't too long after the surgery. Everyone I ever knew in the town was there, right? You were there too, with Tsubaki and Watari. You saw some of the judges from the competitions we entered, Kousei. One or two of them talked to you, didn't they? Surely they said I was an incredible violinist, right? I'm sorry; I shouldn't be so arrogant, because I never progressed far in the competitions. I filled hearts and souls though, instead of trophy cabinets, because that's all that ever mattered to me. You held that thought in your head throughout. Nearly everyone had left when you approached my grave. You struggled to contain your tears, letting them fall into the snow that crunched slightly beneath your feet. You kissed your hand and touched my gravestone, when you stopped crying. I guess having a memory of kissing me would only have served to haunt you more than anything. My parents said they had only one more thing for you; a letter I wrote. They gave it to you and thanked you for what you did. They said you made my life a good one, and they were right.

That letter was written by me before I went in for surgery. I only got to use the new stationery twice, which feels like a waste when all I did was write you letters. That was what I thought before I wrote them, but now that I'm done, it was worth it. Those letters will reach you, won't they? The letter is the only way I can tell you what I want to tell you. I want to tell you of all it so much, Kousei. I want to tell you how I felt when we jumped off that bridge. I want to tell you how my heart skipped a beat when you told me I was the reason for you playing with emotion. Above any of our memories, I need to tell you how much you mean to me. I need to tell you how much I love you, Kousei. But I can't, I can't say it to your face and it hurts me so much knowing that there were so many chances to say that to you, but I was foolish and slacked off on it. I knew my time was nearly up, but my love was the only thing I couldn't tell you about. I hope my letter makes up for it, somehow. You promised not to forget me, okay? Promise me that you won't forget that I love you. I love you. Remember it again and again, Kousei.

You see the black cat again, and it reminds you of my letter. You pull it out of your pocket, and you brace yourself for what you are going to read. I hope it reaches you, Kousei. All of it.

 _Dear Arima Kousei…_

A/N: so there, first one done. The first of a few, if not many! Well, many might be pushing my luck, but we'll see. I have a few ideas floating around, so I hope to start something new by the end of August. It probably won't be on here until early September, because I'm lazy (I finished this nearly a week ago!). I hope you liked it, reviews are welcome of course!


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